one wish..

if i could have just one wish,

i would wish to wake up every day,

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,

the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine..

knowing that i could never find that feeling

with anyone other than you.

tuesday

and another birthday =D today its my grandfathers 81.birthday (my dads father) so congrats !! ;)
there'll be a big b-day party in berlin this weekend with family and friends and where am I? the cold north, studying :-/

woke up around 10:00 and fell asleep again haha, so I woke up again around 12:00 cause someone asked me if I wanna sleep all day =D could be because of all the stress right now or just because of that wonderful bed ;)
but as I said, still stressed but I have to say I actually could not feel better concerning certain things at least.. So after trotting out of my bed to eat something I continued studying as usual, had several cops of tea, food and tried to fix my stupid internet, took almost 2hrs and I was quite.. lets say annoyed !!
Glad that Johanna stopped by to ask if I wanna follow, Greger and the kids where there too so he forced me to eat with them as well (and I just had dinner at home :-P so you can imagine how filled up I was when we left for training ;) but that was over quite soon, really enjoy training, especially doing something at all, always liked martial arts but never..yeah, did it :-P But its never too late ;)

After that I watched a movie with greger and johanna, sorry but I already forgot the name of the movie haha, it was not that bad but I was more busy with eating popcorn, chips, chocolate and all these other stuff lol. But I remember what it was about, don't think that I wouldn't ;)

So now I'm at home, laying in my bed and am actually on my way to sleep, hope I wont wake up that late tomorrow as well =D really need to do things !!

Good night everyone!!
I see you on the dark side of the moon

_____________________________________________________________
weather: this week it was kinda cold, around -20 up to -26° but sunny..
saw that its gonna be "warmer" and snow in the end of the week..

just another manic monday.. 13.12.2010

today its my fathers birthday, 50 yrs!! congrats old man ;-) unfortunately I cannot be there because of a lot of work for university and my biggest problem is that I don't have money for this either because I've just been in germany for my grandparents golden wedding :-/ but one thing you have to know dady, we'll rock your 60. b-day, thats for sure =D

Studied hard today, reading my boring books until my sweetheart (trying to find other words for boyfriends cause it sounds weird, if you know sth tell me =D ) tried to scare my while suddenly jumping into my room :-P was listening to music as well so I didn't hear him coming either ;)
Had dinner then and talked about everything possible, he showed me some of his female facebook friends in case I'd worry about all his young female facebookfriends, I didn't even think about it that way lol and I don't think that I have to worry either ;-) But I'm lucky to have someone who's honest, something a lot of people don't really care about anymore but honesty and trust are the most important things in a relationship =)

So this week will be.. hm, dunno, I'll probably study, then training as usual, cuddle-evening infront of the tv after training with Greger tomorrow and then I'll help Johanna to move to her new appartment =)

Chatted with a close friend today, really miss her :-/
Now I'll continue facebooking before I go to bed, good night! =)

weekend

On friday I finally got some off my stuff so I could continue working with my things from university but I have to say that I didnt really felt like doing sth friday afternoon so I decided to do.. nothing :-P In the evening I visited Johanna before it was time to train some hapkido again, I did my nails *lol* you may think thats weird but I actually just did sth so that it wont hurt during the training, they were quite long :D
Hapkido as usual, you feel every single muscle, especially if you didn't really do anthing the past 2 yrs besides walking, jogging or inline-skating with  the dogs ;-)
We trained some technics, how to fall without hurting yourself and how to make your across from you fall :-P We even played rugby, not normal rugby, but rugby, so thats something I like =D

On saturday I tried to study a bit more but it ended up drawing and solving some sudoku's but at least I did sth ;)
The evening did I spend with Greger, we visited his father and girlfriend and then a friend of him from stockholm stopped by to have a couple of beers before he fell asleep on the couch =D

On sunday we were all a bit... tired :-P but I was awake when little gabriel started to slobber on me haha =D After that we (means Johanna, Gabbe, Becca, Greger and my humble self :-P) went to Skellefteå to help Gregers sister moving from her appartment to a house, later that evening we noticed that we didn't eat anything at all since yesterday evening, so we had some burgers and french fries for dinner.

So a nice and calm weekend with tasty food, new people and fun =)
Soon its time for x-mas, even if I actually don't really feel like it, maybe I'll stay at home to study, enough to do anyway :-P

tuesday_hapkido

Had a funny afternoon 'cuz I tried a sport called hapkido today, its a korean martial art, and my boyfriend is the trainer so he convinced me to join, really enjoyed it =)
He was though the onlyone that got hurt hehe, so now he's got a notch above his right eye ;) he always reckon that he's Jet Li but I'm not really convinced I have to say ;)

After that we went home to take a shower and watched a movie, well we tried at least, was not really sth good on tv so I decided to hit him with pillows, way more fun =D
Could even sleep a bit better after all that what happened these past days, he embraced me all night and it felt good to have someone close these days =) Really enjoy being with him <3

So far I don't have muscle ache but will see when I get it, at least he'll have it first ;-P
Looking forward to the next training, they have it 3times a week, its good to do sth else now where I can forget all these thoughts for one moment and just have fun =) On friday I'll beat up his son =D

weekend

had a good weekend I have to say, spent my time with greger and kids, felt a bit like being "mother" haha because johanna worked so the youngest was with us all the time =) a really sweet one I have to say, love kids =) maybe the reason why I'm becoming a teacher? ;-)
But he didn't sleep so much, he woke up quite often but so are toddlers ;-)

So in the evening we were invited at his mothers place for dinner, was very good and very enjoyably (enjoyably?)
The rest of the time I tried to study for my exam I have monday to friday, then I played playstation with tobbe and had a quite calm weekend with my beloved.


Happy to have people around me that really like me and care about me <3

random

really sick of this boring books, how can you even write something like this? and who wants to read it??? I don't I have to say but unfortunately I have to :( not so much left, only one book and a few pages of the otherone, will try to read as much as possible today so that I can spend the weekend with my darling before the exam next week.

Was not so cold these past days I have to say, we had only around -6° and the same snow left, not that much either but ok by me :-P just not so easy to get out with the dogs and sledge so thats not sooo good but I'll survive I guess ;) Its worse in germany, they have up to -18° and a lot of snow, unbelievable, they always tell me I live at the northpol and now? Look at you haha, colder and more snow in germany as in the north (!) of sweden..

Will be in Arvidsjaur for my mothers birthday, guess it will be fun or I at least hope so haha :D
I actually don't like the christmas time, so many presents you have to buy and unfortunately a lot of my friends and family do even celebrate thier birthday around x-mas :( It's especially hard to buy something for men, I'd always find something for female friends and family but men? Out of ideas :( So if you have ideas let me know ;) I don't have money, but I can give love and company haha :D

So as I already said exam next week and after that a dear friend of mine who is in Stockholm right now will visit me for some days :) really looking forward to this, will be fun and there's finally someone visiting me besides my dad *lol*. Well, I guess I moved too far north ;) But I like it =) and I wouldn't have met certain people I really care about =) And I do not only talk about guys :-D But friends, very kind and sweet friends =) Sure I miss my friends in germany a lot, but I know they're always there for me, doesn't matter how far away I am :) I don't see them that often but it feels good to know that they're there for me when I need them and I give the same in return :) Since I moved here you really know which friends are true friends and who of them was just "there" for a short moment, you don't care that much about these kind of people, I don't need to have superficial friends..
But its a pity with some of them. People you thought were close all the time, people that always cared and listened and suddenly they disappear without reason.. No answers when you send messages, no time for you, always "busy".. That's the thing that hurts most. When you thought to have a true friend that just pop off from one day to the other..
Seems like I have a bad insight into human nature or they're just perfect actors.. Such a shame.. Especially if you really like them and thought they feel the same..
But life goes on and they're just not worth it, as I said, I have friends that really care <3

studying

Oh boy, the first two books where quite ok, but the last two books.. well, they really look boring from the beginning, small text, a lot of text and no pictures =D the otherone was better, a lot of pictures so less text and actually not that boring. And because of my lack of time I decided to use colourful post-it's ;) so I skip to write it down, even if that would be much better but as I said, not so much time, two books with 250 pages each (and really boring as I already mentioned) and 4 days left, beside that I have to do sth else as well and want to have at least one day with my beloved this week. So actually not that much here, I hardly leave my bed, just for food and other needs. Its way more comfortable to read here and I don't have to write anything down beside some notes where I find certain things. Ok then, off to work again :(

Some love lasts a lifetime. True love lasts forever.

But what is love? The feeling of a stong affection? A personal attachment?
Love is so complex with all that feelings involved that makes it even more difficult to really find a clear answer..
And how do you actually know that you're in love? Can you always tell? Can you differentiate between a very strong feeling and true love? Is it even possible nowadays to really find true love?

"True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

But to love somebody and to be loved is the greatest thing you can experience, so if you really find true love, then you're really lucky. Love can last a lifetime, but true love lasts forever.

Unfortunately does it happen way too often that you get dissapointed, and once you have these feeling inside of you, of this disillusion you can lose faith and hope..
But don't give up, keep on searching, there will be someone for you, somewhere out there, but be sure that it's the right thing you do. Don't get yourself through something just because you feel lonely or left behind.
And even to like somebody is something different.
The feeling of love is much stronger. Take your time, time to trust, time to find a way back into love, into real love. Don't listen to others, listen to your heart. What does it tell you? Do you feel good? Does it feel right?

And if you find that special someone-hold on to him. You will know that its him.
Let him become a part of your life, let him make you smile, let him make you feel good and give that in return.
But be carefull with your heart; and always remember:
Love does not exist, but it can grow..

was it love, or was it the idea of being in love?
or was it the hand of fate,

that seemed to fit just like a glove?
the moment slipped by and soon the seeds were sown
the year grew late

and neither one wanted to remain alone 

Pink Floyd "one slip"

thank you..

for making me smile every day

<3 <3 <3

hardworking dogs

After my exam I visited the school I had my practical course, the kids were very happy and wanted me to stay a bit longer. It was quite cold today, -19° but sunny.
When I went home a had lunch and then out with the dogs, I took the big sledge for the first time, Finouk was too young last year and Kira was not really eager to pull me alone. So now I have two grown up dogs, willing to pull me through the impressive winter landscape. The sledge is very easygoing and not too heavy for the dogs, really enjoyable I have to say =) We started to train with the little sledge a while ago so we took it slow today with that one, returned after one hour. Finouk is a hardowrking dog and always eager to run all the time while kira just stops running when she's tired.

So here you can see that she didn't wanna pull me anymore ;-) But I guess she was not so happy because Finouk didn't wanna pull her as well so even Kira had to walk home ;-)
Now both of them are sleeping, looking forward to continue tomorrow but now off to my books again, always a lot to do ;-)

once upon a time

 I was born in Rostock, a city in the north of germany, around 200.000 inhabitants if you care ;) So not such a small town.. On these two pictures you see my dad and my mother, and as you already can imagine- the sweet little girl is me =D

I lived all my life in that city and enjoyed my childhood, it happened quite often these past couple of weeks that I was just laying in my bed, thinking about the past =)

I used to do a lot in my spare time, I went riding most of the time, about 7years, I was swimming for a couple of years and I danced standard dance 6yrs, after that one year jazz. I even played guitarr for 6 years so as you can see, I did a lot of things ;-) We used to travel a lot so I've seen a lot of the world already in young years.

my favorite horse rowdy =)

Then I didn't do anything at all for a while before I started to play rugby, I kinda start to forget things lol, but as far as I can remember did I start it when I was 14 ? Funny thing, my coach was my french teacher, he talked a lot about rugby and I was interested in doing sth else so I started with rugby =) Not that girly as the rest I did before ;-)

When I moved to sweden I didn't have the time or possibilities to do anything, I used to swim with a friend from time to time but it was a while ago and now she just got her first child so I guess I've gotta wait a while =D But I found sth else I enjoy, I'm out with my dogs very much, about 2hrs every day if I'm not lazy ;-) Winter is great, after jogging and inline-skating with them in autumn I just sit on my slegde now and let them pull me ;-)

Yeah well, I just felt like writing something about myself, most of you know me how I am now, but especially the people I got to know the last two years do not know so much about me from my past =)

the four crazy kids you see there are me and my cousins ;-) they live in Berlin and I really miss all of them =) I got to see them from time to time but as you probably can imagine I dont meet them quite often, nobody from germay, I live way to far north lol =D

weekend

I am a bit stressed at the moment because I have quite much to do for university, exam on monday and then I have to read 4books for my exam at home from 6.12-10.12. :-( I missed a lot while I was sick so I even have to do other small tasks that I have to hand in as well.
But it will be quite calm when I come in that course that I want to come in first next semester in january so I really hope that it works =)

Besides studying I had a great weekend, I was outside with the dogs and slegde, weather was sunny and cold, around -18° by now but ok for me, its a differend sort of cold as it is in germany, its not so humidly.

The rest of the weekend did I spend with my boyfriend greger and his kids rebecca and tobias. Yesterday we had dinner with one of his friends, an elk terrine, very tasty ! The dessert was good as well, some cake with mintchocolate and some alcoholic drinks =D
Johanna picked us up to drive us home (way too long ago that I met her, really need to do that soon!) and then we played singstar, I started to sing with tobias but then his voice flopped because of his cold so he decided to play computer instead ;) After that becca, greger and I were singing before we started to play Tekken, one of my favorite games when I was younger so that was really long ago that I did that :)
  After a second kind of dinner around 1am we started to watch a movie while snuggling but decided to go to bed then and had a really nice chat about everything possible-until 5am ;-) before we fell asleep.

I can really say that I like him very much and enjoy every minute we spend together even if we both have a lot to do at the moment but things will calm down after a while and the stress around us will be gone or at least it will be not as much as it is right now.
A lot of people are not really happy about us being together because of the agedifference but I dont care, it's got to feel right and it really does, so many things I like about him and so glad that his family seems to like me as well, especially for kids can it be very hard when their parents have a new parter, and especially when they are not much older as the kids, and even the other way around, not everybody can get along with the kids.
But I like them and enjoy being with them as well, I'm just looking forward that this will work and as I said it just feels good and right so I'm really affirmatory =)

Ok then, off to my studies again, wish me luck tomorrow, 8am !

found some funny glasses at my dads place =D

todays weather: sunny, -13° and some snow so that it cover the landscape, but not so much actually

Germany, November 2010 (continuation)

As you probably can imagine I did not only went to germany to celebrate my grandparents golden wedding, I took the chance to meet friends and family even if the time there was quite short.


So after I finished my exam I went to Jena for one night to visit a friend, funny circumstances cause we never really met even if we know each other for 3 yrs now =D So I had a really nice time with him, another funny fact is that he's swedish :-P
Amazing was also that we had +20° the next day while the others back home in sweden had around -20° :-P
Imagine to sit on the roof terrace with sun and 20 plus in the morning, not so bad I have to say ;)

view from håkans roof terrace in jena

 

 

 

When I left the next day I met my old friend Lisa in Leipzig, she moved there with her boyfriend to study, we went to school together and she's one of my closest friends :) we had some coffee (well, I dont drink coffee, so it was hot chocolate instead :-P ) and talked a lot, after some hours I continued my journey homewards to grandma, about 45minutes from Leipzig, on my way home Greger called so we talked almost all the way home :) he called me sometimes and we met on msn almost every day so it was a bit easier, still missed him quite a lot :) But I guess I have to say sorry, dont wanna see the bill, its not that cheap to call from sweden to germany on a cell phone :-P bit it was nice to hear his voice :)

The next day we left grandmas place to travel back to sweden, on our way we had a short and pleasant stay at my aunt and cousins place for lunch, the dogs were quite excited, so was one of my cousins and he was cuddling with them all the time :D

martin, one of my 3 cousins ;)

me and gabi ;)

Unfortunately we didn't have much time so after some hours we continued our journey to Rostock, my beautiful hometown from where we took the ferry to sweden again, but first I visited my dad of course, and my (however you say it in english) schwip-cousin Gabi :-P So she's actually my cousins cousin..
It was fun, we watched movies, had some wine and good food, we tried to be a band but it turn out to be a bad idea, we should just let my dad play his guitarr and the rest :-P but it was fun anyway ;)

Unfortunately I got sick, fever and a cold after that so the trip home to the north of sweden was not pleasurable =( actually planned to vstop by two more friends in sweden but we skipped that to get home as soon as possible where I continued with some fever and a cold :(

But now I'm on my way to feel better again so I can continue with my studies =) Had a great time in germany, even if it was way too short but I'm glad to meet at least some of you, have way too many friends lol ;-)

hugs and kisses to all of you <3

gabi and my dad playing guitarr :-P

parking space for women ;)

the right thing..

 

Take time to listen to your heart.
Sometimes you need not to ask yourself
Who you really love most,
But ask yourself who really makes you happy
And who makes you feel loved.

Study...study...stud...stdy...sty...stfa...sfa...face...facebo...facebook

ok, exam tomorrow and tuesday, really tried to read that stupid book that I only have as pdf so not really sth I like. And its so b.o.r.i.n.g ! I really don't know what I'm actually reading ! Anway, will work tomorrow (I hope) =D Cannot really focus I have to say, a lot of things are disturbing like yeah, facebook :-P and some thoughts I have on my mind all the time..

Well didn't really do other things this weekend, had still a lot of food left and some nice video chats today and yesterday evening so that was really nice :) feels directly better to see certain persons that are so far away :) but I'll be home soon :) <3 amazing how time is actually fleeting but sometimes it just stands still..

Even if I have to study a lot here I still have some time left to think without much around me, and it's an amazing feeling to have some who really miss you and you didn't realize before how intense this feeling can be before you're that far away, was very long ago I had that feeling in that extent..

And to be married 50 years.. just amazing, I guess nobody in this generation can manage this, most of the peoples relationship doesn't even last 10 years anymore.. Its kinda sad actually but I guess thats just the way it is.. Its different now.. even if I saw a lot of things, I still don't give up, there is one true love for everybody out there, a love that can last a lifetime <3

grandma's and grandpa's golden wedding 05.11.2010

So here we go, grandma's and grandpa's golden wedding, it was amazing how much food we actually had !
In the morning the mayor came over to congratulate so we had some food and coffee and talked about the good old times =D A little while after that we had lunch (so unnecessary !) before we watched a movie to relax a bit. My grandma was already nervous but it got worse later ;-)

  

Around 2pm arrived the ordered wedding cake, even if it doesn't really look like a cake when they came with it, it looks more like some kind of bomb =D
anyway, have to say that we didn't even eat half of the part above :D But it was very tasty though. So now we'll probably eat it every day and give it even to other people that visited us later that evening, otherwise it would just stand there ;) or we just save some for the next wedding day :D Even better, the untouched part can we save for my wedding =D Haha no better not, guess it will take a while before I get married ;)

So all of us where sitting there, totally filled up with cake and wondered how we should eat all the other stuff in the evening, cause we ordered some more food ;)
So the other guy came with it around 5pm and I have to say 1kg cheese is quite much ! same with the rest :D So again, way too much food but at least we had some more people to help us with it. Here some more impressions, I'm still not really hungry and slept kinda all day even if I have to study for my exam on monday =D So enjoy the pictures and think about 50yrs of marriage, don't think its possible nowadays, you can be happy if a couple manage 10yrs !!

miss you..

as i sit with little to do, 

my mind is filled with thoughts of you. 

as I work hard throughout the day, 

I miss your smile that's miles away. 

as I lay down and try to sleep, 

its memories of you I always keep. 

you must know this, my love so true. 

I spend all my time missing you. 

germany

On saturday we left norsjö to travel to germany for grandmas golden wedding, but before that we went to friends on sunday, the family I lived with when I was in sweden before I moved, so that was fun I can say! Incredible how time is fleeting, kids are already grown up (well, I remember when they were 3 and 5 yrs, now they're 10 and 8 and the little girl is soon 4yrs, I remember when Frida was pregnant with her and it feels like yesterday !

Unfortunately we had rain all the time and it was quite stormy the last day on our last part with the ferry, so typical, Finouks first long trip with ferry and everything else and it was stormy :D but she did quite well, slept very good but was very observing all the time. The rest of the trip was ok, as you can see my dogs always sleeping comfortable in the back seat ;)
So we arrived yesterday evening (wed.) after a short stop in my hometown rostock where I even got a new haircut :D Use to have quite curly hair but that looks not bad I have to say :) Bought a new cell phone as well, actually my x-mas present but I'm already using it :D Its a LG-GS290 in case you care ;)

So tomorrow we'll have the golden wedding, we'll have a lot of food and way to much cake I can say!
Bye for now, I have to continue studying, exam on monday :D